The Wedding Party Disease
The tension rises as they glare at each other from behind the bride and groom. Even the preacher notices that something is amiss and that there is nothing anyone can do. Absolutely no one wants to get in the middle of this one. The funny part is, it is a set-up. As the wedding vows are read, the looks that they throw at one another are as sharp as daggers and could cut through solid steel. They are…, the best man and the bridesmaid.
One of the oldest tricks in the book is to take two of your closest friends and insert them into the best man and bridesmaid positions at your wedding in the hopes that they will hook up. The overall plan is that they fall in love and marry. This way they can buy the house next to yours and go out to sushi with you on Friday nights. While the intentions of this plan are pure enough, it hardly ever works out.
The reason this clever little ploy never works out is the positions held within the wedding party. These two otherwise wonderful friends are on opposing forces that drives a wedge between them. It then becomes an illness that has no cure. There are symptoms that give it away quickly.
The bridesmaid sees the best man as the one who is helping the groom take her friend away from her. While she and the bride are discussing whether to get the spring wedding favors or the garden wedding favors, the bridesmaid is wondering who she will find to go cruising the singles bars with. She knows she cannot get mad at the groom, it is forbidden. The best man, on the other hand, is fair game and she is ready to play.
While the best man and the groom are looking at the tuxedo catalog, he is trying to remember which of his other friends plays golf and has best friend potential. While he is happy for his friend and treats the new bride with respect, the bridesmaid needs to be taken down a notch for her role in this obvious brainwashing job. Yes, he thinks to himself, she is devious and has to be dealt with.
It is a disease known only as skipastageitis. There is no known cure for Skipastageitis, pronounced Skip A Stage Itis; you can only treat the symptoms. The saddest part about this is that they actually may have been made for each other but because of this dreaded disease, they will never know about it. The illness is brought on by placing the subjects into positions where they are immediately at odds with one another over every little thing. This is the third stage of a marriage and since they skipped stages one and two, the body is unable to form a bond to the other, causing mild animosity and paranoia.
Fortunately, there is hope on the horizon as new techniques are being developed by leading wedding planners across the planet. In one very promising study, the two subject, best man and bridesmaid, are put into a room filled with foam weapons. After several minutes of avoiding each other, the heat in the room is turned up to an uncomfortable level. The subjects begin to pummel each other with the nerf weapons.
After a half an hour, the temperature in the room is turned down to an more uncomfortable level, causing the bridesmaid to become very cold and start shivering. This releases a natural chemical in the best man’s body that did not have time to develop earlier in their relationship. The chemical, known as chivalry X, brings out the protective and nurturing side of him as he gives her his jacket and tries to keep her warm. While the treatment shows promise, the effects are temporary and the disease begins to assert itself the moment they are released from the study.
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